Aug 312010
 

Pennstate  head coach Joe Paterno has named senior Evan Royster as his starting quarter back today. In a fit of memory loss, the octagenarian king of Happy Valley has scrapped Pennstate’s new-fangled Spread HD offense in favor of the tried-and-true single wing, harkening back to the halcyon days of his youth when the forward pass was still illegal.

Moe’s Sports Talk (MST) has learned that offensive coordinator Galen Hall approved the move and has released much balley-hooed quarterbacks Kevin Newsome and Robert Bolden from their scholarships. Bolden has since declared his intent to transfer to Pitt, where head coach Dave Wannstedt will move him to linebacker then safety then to flanker, whereupon it is expected that he will win Pitt’s fourth Biletnikoff award in 2014 during his final year of college eligibility. Newsome expects to transfer to the University of Delaware, where he will engage in a quarterback derby with former Pennstater Pat Devlin, though it is rumored that Devlin has considered transferring to Delaware State University (Go Hornets!).

Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of the all-concealing shadow, Tom Bradley curls into the fetal position and has nightmares of Alabama RB Trent Richardson running through his defense. Pennstate AD Tim Curley secretly petitions the Big East for membership but the State Penn is once more rejected by the sage Big East leaders in Providence, RI.

Be Sociable, Share!