Posted by Many years ago, while on assignment in the UAE, I met a Ghanaian girl in a rooftop hotel bar. She was around 22-23 years old, ~5’5″, an hour-glass figure with skin as dark as the night, a round face, bright eyes, full cheeks, and straight jet-black hair that led all the way down the small of her back. She told me how she had spent time in Poland and the Czech Republic before making her way to the Middle East. Occupation? She avoided disclosing what, if anything, she did before the witching hours set in. I told her how I grew up in Nigeria and the States and work in Tech.
“But where are you from?” she asked.
“I told you, I’m from Pittsburgh in the USA.”
“No, you’re not American. Where are you really from?”
[Can you tell what she was searching for?]
[Sigh] “My parents grew up in Bangladesh. I’ve visited many times but I’ve lived in America most of my life.”
“Ah ha! You’re Bangladeshi!” she exclaimed triumphantly. “I knew you couldn’t be American.”
“Well yeah but…”
My voice trailed off. I bought her another drink but eventually made my way back to my friends.
We all come from multiple somewheres
I’ve had this conversation many times with whyte amurricans but to be subjected to it by an African was galling. So much for holding a (fellow) West African* to a higher standard. Maybe it was a question of terminology; maybe she didn’t know any better.
There are people who are so gauche out of inexperience and ignorance. And then there are the ones who know better but purposefully go the other direction, either out of cynicism or a self-image of themselves as too cool for school or sincerity; who wish to be seen as beyond such folly thereby distancing themselves from those who willfully perpetrate discrimination and injustice. Even though, in this case, being left out punches down at me.
All our houses are made of glass
I’m not interested in piling on the former. We all come to any particular issue from out of ignorance. And for all the work we may do, we can never ever see ourselves as perfect on it. As much grace as I would want in a similar situation is as much as I try to extend. At least until given reason to doubt their sincerity. I am grateful to women and fellow people of color, to Muslims, Christians, Hindus, atheists & non-believers, to transfolk, even to white folk for sitting with me and explaining where I may fall short.
And although I’m not marching every week like last summer, I do hold dear the lessons I learned in those streets. About performative vs actual justice, about de-centering oneself in order to hear of another’s experience & pain, about the real difficulty of building a better world for all, not some, of us, and about how so many more are often left out.
I’m not ignorant that there are true bad actors in the world. No one is above reproach and there is good purpose in taking the high & mighty off their horses. And this is not both-sides-ism. I have no problem defending my leftward ideals to those who disagree or argue in bad faith. But I cannot countenance mean-spiritedness and punching down (or sideways) at those who want to get better and are trying, however imperfectly, to build a positive vision of the world or just to be included in peace. In anything. All our houses are made of glass.
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* Please note that I’m not casting aspersions at all Ghanaians. They’re a lovely people, even though Nigerian jollof rice is clearly superior. #NaijaForever
